We are sold things multiple times, every day.
Food, cars, houses, medical procedures, discount insurance, furniture, diet cleanses, vacations, video games (for some), sporting events, and list goes on. Our entire world is about sales, even jobs that don’t have it in the description.
But the worst sales pitch you could possibly ever face is the one involving marriage. Women routinely pitch themselves to men for marriage; we can pretend like it is the idea of men to get married, but it is not. It is always at the suggestion of women, who will poke, prod, pressure, emotionally extort or otherwise blackmail men into believing it is their idea to get married.
Marriage, by its own definition, left to its own facts is a beautiful arrangement that needs no other interpretation.
What is unfortunate is that many women have manipulated marriage into something else. This is why court systems in the US view marriage as a mere business arrangement – because the interpretation by women has made it so.
The argument is that lawyers have compiled marriage as this over time, but the fact is that the arguments made that have since re-interpreted marriage stemmed from angry women who refuse to face themselves, and the self-loathing they hold, coupled with the sense of incompleteness they feel about themselves.
It is amazing to think that feelings of inadequacy led to factual-interpretation of the holiest of institutions, but this is proof of how feelings can somehow remove logic from the room.
Be that as it may, (hopefully) long before marriage becomes a decision to make, the man will spend a long time evaluating the woman who is pushing him to get married to her.
The problem is that many men who go to college don’t spend their minor and elective classes on an extremely wise investment – psychology.
I will never suggest that men need to exclusively study psychology, because you don’t need to be a psychologist to make it through life.
However, it only makes sense that men invest some of their time studying and reading about what they have to look forward to when these ‘saleswomen’ start approaching them. And rest assured, these women approach you, no matter how much you think you made the first move. Surely they won’t admit to it, but even if you made the “approach” and said some cute one-liner, she staged it for you to do it.
Psychology is not an answer to all your questions – the general study of it is not going to tell you anymore about women than you already don’t know.
However, learning basic principles, how they are studied and applied, and then focusing on behavioral psychology provides a huge leg up for men trying to make sense of the most important choice they’ll ever make.
You need to know this for your entire life; words mean nothing, behavior and actions mean everything.
There is no second chances in marriage. You either get it right the first time, or you don’t and it’s over. And you can guarantee this much: it will not end the way you want it to.
If you pay attention to people, you’ll find that people don’t do what they say they will, and much of the time the things they do fulfill some aspect of self-preservation, not because it’s something they ought to do necessarily.
Very few people in this world will ever hold themselves to a standard that anticipates that they need to take actions beyond those that ensure their comfort. But, if you train yourself to examine people, you can find these people among you, and develop friendships with them, thereby surrounding yourself with people worth investing your most precious asset into; time.
When it comes to women, they present themselves at-will to a man that they believe is worthy of relations – which they end up interpreting as marriage. A side note to this paradigm, most women aren’t interested in marriage, and they don’t know how to rectify that with the expectations they set for themselves. While it may seem mean, this war of thought is the very definition of insanity. It’s not to say women are insane, but this particular part of their patterning is, or least presents itself insanely to them, and thus how they pursue, or do not pursue the paradigm.
With all that said, men owe it to themselves to even the playing field. You are being approached by people who are acting out of self-interest, are coping with psychological issues, are wrestling with their own competing thoughts and expectations, and all the while these people are hiding their deepest internal struggle: that they need strong-willed people to act as a security blanket on their behalf, because they can’t figure out what they want out of life and are at their base, scared.
It’s not a man’s job to make everyone feel comfortable, especially at the sacrifice of their own pursuit. As a man, you sacrifice yourself only for those things that are worthy of that sacrifice. Marriage certainly is worth that sacrifice, but the person you marry must be worthy of marriage. Unfortunately, you will find in your lifetime that a lot of women will present themselves for marriage, but will disappoint in virtually all aspects, because they themselves are either not truly interested in marriage, or not actually aware of what it means to be married. They just view it as another thing on a check list, or they are trying to prove to themselves that they are worthy. But the fact remains that these people reveal themselves over time. Their actions and behaviors will never line up with the words coming out of their mouth.
Learning behavioral psychology is one of the biggest things any man can learn to give himself an advantage over the numerous people that come into, and out of his life. Being able to evaluate people based on their own performance is a great skill to have. Not every man who is good at this has taken to formal education.
There are some men out there who are naturally gifted at this skill, and the experience they have with others only gives them more and more practice. The bluntest way of dealing with this problem yourself, is if you are a college-degree seeking type, to use your electives and your degree’s minor to focus on psychology.
Education in this field applies to so many different aspects of life that the study and use of psychological evaluation becomes invaluable to business leaders, politicians, public safety, and just about any other industry you can think of. Eventually you will use this skill to not only cultivate a true partner, but you’ll end up using it in any number of social scenarios you find yourself in life.
If you’re not going after a college degree, and I applaud you for that, reading books on the topic are indeed useful. There are even individual online courses that cover these topics that don’t necessarily back track into a university program, meaning you don’t have to go through a bunch of nonsense to sign up and attend.
Men are living in an age that doesn’t value men. And the best way to deal with this problem is for men to develop skills that provide them the best way to evaluate people, so that they can quickly decide next steps.
Your biggest challenge in life will revolve around interaction; and how successful you are at that will determine how successful you will be in all other aspects of life.