I like to dream big.
I like to think about places I’d like to visit, and what I would do.
The internet is my best friend, because I can tour all these wonderful places ahead of time. I can see what the buildings look like, what restaurants seem appealing, what I should avoid. I’m a strong tourer. I can’t call myself a tourist, yet. But I do call myself a tourer, as I tour all these wonderful places from the comfort of my home. It’s fun, intriguing, and safe. It must be safe. Because I’m not always a safe person. I don’t always make the best decisions.
I sometimes wonder where my money has gone. I sometimes wonder where I left my car. I sometimes wonder where I was the night before.
I do make it home, in one piece, albeit sore, or some pain, disheveled, perhaps a bit dirty. But I do make it home.
Which is a good thing. Because I can restart my routine and get back to my tours. Life is good.
Today I’m going to look up Curacao. I’ve always loved the thought of going to the Dutch Antilles. The beaches, the culture, less risk of hurricanes, it seems perfect! Plus, that wonderful liqueur of theirs is sure to be a staple while there!
I think I’ll start around Punda and Pietermaai, a tourist-oriented section of Willemstad. Because I want to be on the boardwalks and beaches the whole time!
I’ll start on Breedestraat near the water, where all the boutique shops are, that is as good as place as any.
Wow, look at the pretty red brick sidewalks! And all the shops, this is fantastic! I definitely want to travel here!
Wait, that person walking near The Athlete’s Foot looks familiar. I should keep following them. I wonder where I know them from.
The clocks staged along the brick walk in Willemstad are cute! So much character in this city!
There’s that person again. They look like they are following over. Weird. I’m going to keep scrolling to see how this ends.
Wow, this huge decorative art piece spelling our Curacao is fantastic! I wish we did things like that here.
And look at all the Christmas statues and decorations! This must be what it looks like during Christmas. How awesome!
That person is up a little further in the parking lot…that’s a weird route to take on foot. Maybe stick to the sidewalk, and don’t get hit.
Looks like they’re heading to Pietermaai, the next main road along the boardwalk.
There’s a number of houses right here in the heart of everything up for sale. They must be expensive. But how cool to be in this weather all year round!
WHOA! That person just threw up! That’s awful! Gotta watch that drinking buddy! What a clown show!
Oh neat! There are some open lots between some of these houses! I suppose they aren’t attractive to build on since you get such a small spot on the water. And it looks like there’s not much of a beach here. But still so pretty!
The sidewalk is starting the narrow down, and that person looks so familiar. They are really struggling; I’m surprised they made it this far.
Look at this cool artwork! Someone cut out material shaped like large jugs of vases, and painted them, and then placed them in front of this crumbling house. That’s a great to detract from the decay that surrounds us!
And there’s that person again, seemingly walking with a stiff upper lip after vomiting.
Wait, now the photos have a different date and that person is gone. I better go back and see if I can’t catch up to them.
Whoa! I had to go way back to the Café Old Dutch to find them again. Weird, you would think that I could spot them after viewing these streets, but…..wait, that shirt looks familiar.
Let’s zoom in. Oh no. Is that…..me?
How did I get in here? What the? I need to check my credit card statement!
How the? What in the? Holy $*%R!
That’s ME! I’m…..a mess!
What the hell was I doing in Curacao by myself! What the hell is this?!?!
I’m going to call my mother.
“Mother, did I ask you to watch my place recently?”
“I did? I said what? I DID WHAT?!”
“Mom. Mom. MOM! I gotta get off the phone now!”
What the hell? How do I not remember any of this?
My passport! It’s got the stamps! How do I not remember ANY OF THIS??!?
What in the world is going on!
This is nuts!
I went to Curacao by myself, and I have no memory of it, and now have to live through the agony of being the drunk girl on Google Maps for all to see.
I need to do something about this!
I’m going to email Google!
“Dear Google, I recently became aware of my presence in some street view imagery in Willemstad, Curacao. It appears I was a tad sick and was having a bad reaction to food possibly. I was hoping you could take down these images and get new images of the street, so that I don’t re-live this moment in my life along with the rest of the planet staring at me.”
No, I sound too needy. F$@! This sucks!
I had to have talked to someone about this!
I’ll text Kevin, he’ll know.
“Kevin! We need to talk!”
“I was wondering when you would get around to messaging me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Now that we’re back from Curacao. You said you would reach out, waiting on you.”
“Wait, we went to Curacao? Do you know what happened in the shopping district?”
“Yea, you ran ahead of me while we had been day drinking, I’m not sure why. I think you took those drinks all the way back home with you, because I don’t remember you being sober after that. It was right before we came back. You realize that was three weeks ago, right?”
“ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?”
”Yea babe.”
“Don’t call me babe, you know I don’t like that.”
“You told me to call you that from now on. Now that we’re official.”
“WHAT?!?”
“Yea, have you taken your test yet?”
“WHAT TEST?”
“The one to find out.”
“The one to find out what?”
“If we’re expecting.”
“Ok, I gotta go!”
Where is this test, it must be in my bedroom. Holy shit! I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I went to Curacao, hooked up with Kevin, and now I’m in a full blown relationship, and might be….this is INSANE!
Let’s go do this now. I can’t even.
Ok so remove cap, point at the stream and go. Re-cap and place on the counter, on tissue paper!
What does that line mean? Oh, that’s the control line. But what is that line for?
Oh no.
Matthew Ballantyne 